tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78840284908403402862024-03-05T23:19:47.028-08:00Antigone in the Den of ThievesAntigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-72346574137444060752011-03-01T11:10:00.000-08:002011-03-01T12:25:07.969-08:00You may say I'm a dreamerSo <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12611891">John Galliano</a> is to join the likes of Richard Keys & Andy Gray languishing in the insufferable class - the lowest of all social classes in modern times. They are the intolerable intolerants and the outrageous outcasts. Say what you like about them (they would about you), they know how to get people who normally don't give a shit to give a shit.<br /><br />You're in one camp or the other, usually. Either you think awful opinions should be punishable or you believe they should be kept separate from other areas of life. Mostly, discussion focuses on one person's ability to do his (have there been any hers yet?) job properly but that's not the main issue for me. I'm in the good riddance camp simply because I'm fine with the possibility of someone much nicer coming along and having all their money instead. That, frankly, strikes me as being a much better version of the sort of world I'd like to live in.<br /><br />(Please feel free to point me in the direction of my own words when John McCririck gets made the next head designer at Christian Dior.)Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-23585174343917868622011-02-22T09:46:00.000-08:002011-02-23T10:55:17.070-08:00Drinking Pill (patent pending)You know that scene in Withnail and I where Richard E Grant gets pulled over by the police for being drunk and and slurs, "I ashure I'm not you offisher, I've only had a few ales"? That's me after half a pint/glass of wine. Not driving of course, I'm not a total degenerate. But suffice to say, me and booze do not mix - and it's embarrassing.<br /><br />It's also incredibly difficult to know when one has had enough as it happens so instantaneously. Mid sip I'd warrant (if I had any recollection). Much as I'm amused by the idea of suddenly spitting a mouthful of wine across a room full of friends/family/civilised people and boldy announcing, "no more for me, that's my limit" I very much doubt I will ever be aware enough to do it.<br /><br />Add to this the fact that I don't really like being drunk and it may even seem like I'm building up to an actual point. Which is this. I love being a bit tipsy whilst sat in front of a big glass of wine, waffling on and giggling like there's no tomorrow. Conversely, I hate waking up the next day and realising that there isn't really going to be one due to the fact that the only thing about me that can move with any kind of expedition is my paranoia-drenched, phone-call dreading brain. And I've got a suspicion that, despite my fun being considerably more short-lived than most people's, I'm not alone in hating the after effects.<br /><br />But where can we turn for help, my fellow dipso dodgers? My ingenious drinking pill, that's where. I haven't actually invented it yet on account of having no scientific or medical skills, but it would operate like this:<br /><ol><li>Start drinking</li><li>Reach optimum level of tipsy congeniality and sexual allure</li><li>Discreetly pop your Drinking Pill (choose from strawberry, banana, chocolate and Tennents Super)</li><li>Carry on drinking!<br /></li><li>Hey presto, the affects of alcohol halt for 2-3 hours allowing you adequate time to sip elegantly, chat coherently, order a taxi successfully and comprehend the boundaries of good taste in polite company without incident</li></ol>Surely it would be a winner wouldn't it? I mean, I'm not suggesting you use it as a substitute for common sense or kindly acknowledging your liver's existence once in a while*. It's merely to further one's enjoyment of one of life's little joys without fear of being arrested.<br /><br />And please don't tell me it's not possible as I know for a fact that it is*. I've had l. casei immunitas. I <span style="font-style: italic;">know</span> scientific versions of miracles exist.<br /><br /><br />*make jokes about drinking, sensibly<br />**if 'facts' means possibly maybe.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-34275644691326080772011-02-16T15:58:00.001-08:002011-02-19T16:02:11.424-08:00The size of your arse and the size of your egoWhy does the bully in human beings round so mercilessly on characteristics that individuals have no control over? I mean really, <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> - what's the reason? In case you think I'm just churning out one of the the most basic, zeitgeisty concepts of the decade, I'm actually considering the reasons <span style="font-style: italic;">why.</span> I'm not debating the rights and wrongs of it as they're obvious. I'm not going all Jeremy Kyle on you and am not about to ask you if you even think you should care what others think, like yeah? You and me, we're on another level to that. We're philosophers...in a sort of bloggish way...we're blogosphers. But it's a genuine curiosity that I have seeing as humans are so very capable of understanding the most complex of ideas and yet fail miserably on some of the most basic ones.<br /><br />The way we look in particular seems to attract ridicule, condemnation even, as if it were in any way changeable or the subject (object?) of our scorn could be somehow responsible. It's particularly baffling in view of the fact that, socially speaking, we're well versed on how to think - don't judge a book by its cover, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, all that glitters (pedants - that's glisters to you) is not gold. We love trotting out clichés yet demonstrably hate allowing them to restrict our sanctimonious and judgmental sides. I guess wisdom is only word deep.<br /><br />Typical example: I know it's not exactly current anymore but the Susan Boyle saga clearly illustrated how ingrained our knee-jerk, superficial jeering can be. Was it really such a great revelation to discover that she was more talented than she looked? I know the whole thing felt incredibly scripted but the fuss made about it was still largely made by the public and thereby exposed the fact that we haven't moved on one iota. What was presented to us as some kind of a moral lesson showed that we are incapable of learning it however many times it's drummed into us. If we felt patronised, consider that maybe we deserved it.<br /><br />So back to my question - why? To what end do we act in such a nonsensical manner? My first guess, when it comes to looks at any rate, is that it's because there is a much louder message being rammed down our throats day and night. The beauty industry has adeptly scratched the surface to feed off our deeper insecurities. "Because we're worth it," it tells us with a sultry wink. You can look better, feel better and be better. With a little effort you have earnt your place at the top of the pile and the esteemed beauty industry gives you the green light to look down on others.<br /><br />But it's not just a lack of good looks that encourages people to bestow privileges upon themselves. I would argue this behaviour can be found in other types of prejudices too - skin colour, gender and sexuality to name a few. Picking spurious features of a person and then demeaning them because of it is a fantastic way to trap someone within themselves and from there to gain control. Their exterior is the symbol of their "inferiority" I suppose? Not that I'm suggesting it's the cause of the prejudices in the first place, there are myriad complicated, historical factors involved. But I'm just pulling together the examples where the same method is employed to attack and demean others because I'm not sure I find it comparable to the judgements made on people for their actions or views.<br /><br />Is this because we start to humanise people the deeper in we go? Views and actions give us an insight to the inner workings of the mind. This is the first step to seeing them as more than a shell but also it means that our responses and arguments need to start being cleverer too. We start to worry about how we'll measure up and points are not so easy to score.<br /><br />So, what do you think? Why on earth do we make fools of others in such a way that makes total fools of ourselves? Is the human soul really no more than Nelson from the Simpsons?Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-51113530047550381872011-02-08T13:59:00.000-08:002011-02-09T15:50:10.160-08:00Floppy, flappy faces = goodHaving spent the evening glancing at the TV slightly more than usual it's occurred to me to that we have reached the stage where the most dignified, and in fact sane, thing you can do in the public eye these days is avoid cosmetic surgery. Are we agreed, people of the tele watching republic?<br /><br />Every time I see a floppy, flappy face in a state of natural motion I feel fine. Relaxed even. Perfectly ok with the world. Contrast that with being confronted with the sight of the apparently recently embalmed and I'm unnerved.<br /><br />Actually, that's not always strictly true. Often I'm fixated - particularly if I can't quite work out at first whether they've actually had surgery - and then all I do is stare. I scan the face for tell tale signs - wondering if that's just really puffy lipstick, trying to remember what shape their face used to be before and finally zooming in on the forehead and watching for movement like a cat in a bush. Now I think of it surgery must be on the up because the amount of times I've pounced face-first into the TV screen has gone right down lately.<br /><br />But what I don't do is listen to a word that they say. At some point I realise this and, most likely equating the inability to concentrate with boredom, switch over. I've got a feeling this isn't what programme makers are aiming for.<br /><br />Obviously I'm generalising. I don't always automatically turn over. And I don't mean to give women who are under pressure to look good a hard time. Nor do I wish to suggest that they have nothing of interest to contribute.<br /><br />But I am saying that I'm not twelve. I am more than capable of dealing with a woman who looks like an adult presenting TV shows or the news. I don't jerk back in horror if she furrows her brow in thought and demonstrates that she's done that a few times before in her life. And I'm less likely to value the judgement of programme makers who value cosmetic procedures over the normal, human face.<br /><br />Mind you, I shall be forty this year. Would it be a really jolly pun if I were to say 'watch this face'?!... Oh.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-12530806369118841392011-02-02T09:22:00.000-08:002011-02-02T09:45:45.335-08:00Captain Caveman is responsible for boring sex differences talkAh, gender differences - the gift that keeps on dividing. Is there a single conversation, newspaper article or point-scoring argument that can’t be enriched and enlivened by a bit of boys vs. girls blah? We’re each of us seemingly obsessed and, let’s face it, a bit of an expert. All it takes is the mere mention of map reading and the rush of being unequivocally right is too good to miss - next thing you know we feel like we’re positively log fluming our way through the entire debate, hurtling towards inevitable glory.<br /><br />Well done you. Yes, YOU. Because we’ve all done it. Brushing aside the fact that it’s been studied since forever (inconclusively - so must therefore be proper complicated) we congratulate ourselves on getting it in a nutshell. Unfortunately a nutshell that contains a load of media bullshit, everyday bullshit and pseudoscience. Here’s three examples that I particularly hate:<br /><br /><ul><li>Men are from Mars (by which I think is meant they are odd looking, icy, and feature sticky out bits) and of course women are from Venus (bright, beautiful, vague about what it really looks like beneath the outer cover). </li></ul><ul><li>Women are like milk (contents clearly marked by one of 3 different colours on the top) and men are like fine wine (not as good a selection in Tesco as you might have hoped). </li></ul><ul><li>It all goes back to when we were cavemen. </li></ul>It’s the last one that baffles me the most. Since when did your average Jo/Joe become so knowledgeable about prehistoric life on earth? Are they hiding huge, great anthropology sections in their book collections at home? How did pubman get to be caveman’s spokesman for the modern era?<br /><br />Generally I find the rich and complex caveman/modern gender differences argument goes like this:<br /><br />"People" as they are today…<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg5ANaNOkBeRPY05HfkIap2R3crYdOBkeNH8YuB5jHLVF9I4KQJB3yq4Vo_FZVCsgzQUBxJXcg3NRPzbQnovnT0c730z2n8lH_TaiD10jmaLnJwFPZR3LFI18hVZJsDv0Yotdd9kS6PA/s1600/X+Factor.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg5ANaNOkBeRPY05HfkIap2R3crYdOBkeNH8YuB5jHLVF9I4KQJB3yq4Vo_FZVCsgzQUBxJXcg3NRPzbQnovnT0c730z2n8lH_TaiD10jmaLnJwFPZR3LFI18hVZJsDv0Yotdd9kS6PA/s320/X+Factor.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569145190727305410" border="0" /></a>…are near identical to<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXi2R6omMXbMZhqKtXgIBnfy6rU0BdPEKUEcja4DXbEqbcLe01mf7KK36uhT2OoZJ5byZ8igfunyiilm84EKitQ-fhVUz5gzD_5bi1jyGsyziYJ5rLgk-GpD9hMNnpzDDoDe44uSV1bo/s1600/Australopithecus.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXi2R6omMXbMZhqKtXgIBnfy6rU0BdPEKUEcja4DXbEqbcLe01mf7KK36uhT2OoZJ5byZ8igfunyiilm84EKitQ-fhVUz5gzD_5bi1jyGsyziYJ5rLgk-GpD9hMNnpzDDoDe44uSV1bo/s320/Australopithecus.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569145478968755954" border="0" /></a>…"people" as they were 3 million years ago.<br /><br />…and by crikey, I’m sure you can see the astonishing similarities. We’d just have so much to talk about wouldn’t we? (Actually prehistoric man might like The X Factor - my choice of picture may well have been ill-advised.)<br /><br />The main thrust of the “when we were cavemen” argument is this: when we were evolving to be who we are now our environment was tough and unyielding and successful behaviours were rewarded by survival and shagging. Gender roles developed because they had to. It worked then, therefore it should work now. Political correctness has been sent to destroy us, blah blah blah.<br /><br />However, goes my response, why fixate on this period of time as an especially important benchmark of human development? And why have so much faith in a time that none of us have ever seen or can produce much in the way of proof of over what we see with our own eyes right here, right now? Why assign so much meaning to behaviour that may have developed purely by accident? And when the hell are our capital traits of language and rational thought going to crop up in this argument? (Answer: not long after I’ve buggered them by using long-winded sentences.)<br /><br />It’s not that much of a stretch of the imagination to guess that it’s become received opinion masquerading as fact. It has an irresistible combination of both science <span style="font-style: italic;">and</span> history so it seems positively dripping in academia. However, virtually none of us has any real knowledge on the matter and so it’s speculation. Using cartoon cavemen.<br /><br />It often sounds like proof in its no-nonsense harshness. Lacking sentimentality, it excuses all manner of terrible behaviour. And this really is its main purpose isn’t it? It’s used to justify aggression, cheating, lying, gold-digging, porn, shopping addictions, all manner of emotional dysfunction and Top Gear to name but a few.<br /><br />Here’s a conversation I’ve never heard - “Let’s talk about it as, when were cavemen, communication was an essential element of survival so we’re practically made for it.” Nor have I heard, “I’m just off to check up on the old lady next door in a way that suggests I’m a tribal, social creature with great capacity for altruism. Must be the caveman tendencies coming out again.” (Although to be fair, who in their right mind would say such a stupid thing.) These behaviours are much more readily ascribed to the taming of the beast and social civilisation. How so - isn’t that just cherry picking?<br /><br />Now before you round on me, I fully understand that there is plenty of research indicating real differences between the sexes and that it‘s perfectly reasonable to mention this. I am also aware that there is plenty of research to indicate that we are more different to those within our own gender group than our “opposites” and that this is routinely ignored. Not even the most experty expert knows all the answers in other words. So I think I’m just narked by people adopting a fake scientific opinion without any awareness of how little they've bothered to find out. They just don a metaphorical white lab coat and specs but then start free-styling the sciency bits.<br /><br />I think this is a shame as it’s a fascinating subject when you look at real evidence. Likely there are differences between the sexes because it makes good sense. We are pickled in different chemicals for starters. Equally, I’m sure that we do carry similar behaviours to those of our ancestors, prehistoric or otherwise. But I fall short of saying undoubtedly because I don’t have the necessary knowledge to do so. I don’t see enough consistency in the little scientific research that I have read and also note that it’s ever-changing. If we are a mystery to ourselves, it’s because we fail to understand who and what we are in our current form - caveman can’t save us from that.<br /><br />Alas it’s become society’s obsession to compare and contrast the sexes - embedded in our brains like a flint axe. Maybe <span style="font-style: italic;">that’s</span> what we are biologically predisposed to do. Or ‘hardwired’ like those who think computers are our closest genetic cousins like to say.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-43124850488031858312010-12-05T12:20:00.000-08:002010-12-05T12:31:51.874-08:00The key to happinessI consider myself quite rare in that I have a very defined definition of happiness. It is as follows:<br /><ul><li>A car</li><li>Money in the bank</li><li>A good companion</li><li>Sat Nav</li></ul>I'm a woman of modest needs I'm sure you'll agree. And yet you'd be surprised at how few of the above I've actually got.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-3643651258812088132010-09-19T11:01:00.000-07:002010-09-19T11:01:09.565-07:00You know how to whistle don't you? Arf arfWhen your hair is as crap and lacklustre as mine, one shampoo is the same as the next. But little did I know when I partook of a BOGOF deal for Herbal Essences that I was going to get an education too. In a cunning ploy to get you to buy the shampoo <i>and</i> conditioner they have put Herbal Head Games on the back of the bottles - read the question on one bottle, find out the answer on the other. Herbal Mind Fuck wasn't congruent with their brand I guess.<br />
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So, what did I learn today?<br />
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<b>Shampoo asks: What is rated as the best unconscious way to attract the opposite sex? </b><br />
<b>Conditioner answers: Whistling</b><br />
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Keen as I am to attract members of the opposite sex, doing so while unconscious is a bit worrying. But what is NOT worrying, and is in fact rather exciting, is that this strikes me as being all a bit One Man and His Dog. If only I'd have worked this out before! A bit of whistling here, a 'come by' there and you can literally round up dozens of hapless <strike>victims</strike> lovers for your delectation. And maybe even win a rosette too.<br />
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As we all know, an independent mind and free spirit is a total no no in a partner so how can this approach fail? Who wants to bother with chat up lines and little black dresses when you can turn heads with an authorative, commanding whistle? I imagine if you get into a relationship with someone you attract in this way you'd need to eventually spice things up by snapping your fingers at them occasionally but it's these little romantic gestures that make such a difference.<br />
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The trouble is, I don't really know how to whistle. I'm no expert when it comes to what men think but I imagine that going up to them and making blowing noises is not going to send out the right message. That would make me more of a Pantene kind of girl. Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-33173510924972717472010-09-17T12:24:00.000-07:002010-09-17T14:13:02.618-07:00I'm the sort of person who finds old people arguing in the street funnyWhile I was in town earlier I saw an old couple, and a I mean a genuine, in their eighties or more, old couple - bent over, shuffling along, pristine rain coats - break out into a massive row. Right there, in front of everyone and they didn't care who saw.<br /><br />I laughed of course but I'm bloody well going to implicate my sister who encouraged me by laughing like Muttley watching a pigeon culling session. We share a cruelty gene.<br /><br />Anyway, my point is, have you ever in your life seen anything like this before?! Because I hadn't. We're used to twinkly-eyed, loved-up stereotypes of oldies who have been together since the dawn of Last of the Summer Wine (or time, whichever came first) and still care. We like oohing and aahing over them as they hold hands and do nice things for one another. They're from another planet but hey, they show us that love can conquer warts and incontinence. We like them for that.<br /><br />But alas, there is trouble in paradise and I have witnessed it. It turns out they're just like us. Please tell me I'm not the only one who suspects she got caught ogling some guy's arse?Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-14335827743079102922010-08-24T23:14:00.000-07:002010-08-24T23:14:19.493-07:00A middle-aged woman, a cat and a wheelie bin. Stuff's gonna happenI empathise with the cat who got dumped in a bin.<br />
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<object height="227" width="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmsQcpDp0UQ?fs=1&hl=en_GB"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmsQcpDp0UQ?fs=1&hl=en_GB" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="360" height="227"></embed></object><br />
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That fleeting moment seems to perfectly illustrate the story of my life.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-14758048207228413542010-08-18T11:20:00.000-07:002010-08-18T11:20:17.904-07:00Arse-staring etiquetteGentlemen - when staring at a woman's arse, what's polite? To try and go completely undetected, lest your ogling cause offense? If spotted aim for a bashful but cheeky grin and a shrug of the shoulders? How about idly cycling past her, tipping your head back to prolong the last few moments her arse is in view, swinging round to check out the rest of her while your eyes slowly climb the object of your interest until reaching her face, where you continue to scrutinise her appearance in a detached and mildly curious fashion until catching the incredulous look on her face, jump to with a small intake of breath and cycle off with a casual, "sorry"?<br />
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Is this the latest in propriety? Or should I, for argument's sake, nonchalantly push him off his bike should I see him again with a coquettish, pouty, "oops"?Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-14179775476821458282010-08-06T06:41:00.000-07:002010-08-06T08:47:06.034-07:00Answering nature's callI believe in the power of nominative determinism and it's all thanks to Samantha Fountain. Who else could have brought us the <a href="http://www.shewee.com/newstore/">Shewee</a> - the device designed to help ladies go for a wee wee standing up?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-bVwYOdCgRTBfNvqWk3qgwDPhi-Y0c6y3HhYWYwh4DFIM0ONxFPg9jHEKy0ZpXplWaLnhTG0aTQzYjXs0YGmO4B8OfBBCPiKFYSZfsfqOI7zX1WBfPgzG1NgnQFI5Hfi_TAUbv2-pHQ/s1600/Shewee.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-bVwYOdCgRTBfNvqWk3qgwDPhi-Y0c6y3HhYWYwh4DFIM0ONxFPg9jHEKy0ZpXplWaLnhTG0aTQzYjXs0YGmO4B8OfBBCPiKFYSZfsfqOI7zX1WBfPgzG1NgnQFI5Hfi_TAUbv2-pHQ/s320/Shewee.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502320788824382994" border="0" /></a>Isn't that unbelievably brilliant?? Apparently it's being considered by Cambridgeshire Police so that female officers can...<br /><blockquote>"stand up at public toilets and avoid unhygienic seats, or use a convenient container when a toilet is unavailable."</blockquote>...but we all know that means pissing up a tree.<br /><br />Part of the sales pitch says that it means no more "embarrassing bare bottoms" but given that it's talking about a scenario where one gets caught I'm not sure how much less embarrassing being seen weeing through a plastic tube might be. Only one way to find out I guess.<br /><br />But it's not just a practical item, in case you were wondering what else you might do with it outside of long car journeys and when you're walking home drunk and forgot to go to the loo in the pub. We are also blessed with an opportunity to brag - man stylee. If I was going to get one, I'd definitely go for a <a href="http://www.shewee.com/newstore/products/Shewee-Extreme.html">Shewee Extreme</a>. And then I'd swagger around the place shouting about the size of <span style="font-style: italic;">my</span> "longer length outlet pipe".Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-80426981639707015612010-07-30T05:43:00.000-07:002010-08-01T10:57:16.388-07:00BBC cuts - let's not be foxed, we want real reasonsRight, the BBC - for or against? More specifically, BBC cuts - wotcha thinking? I'm going to nail my colours to the mast right away and say that I am enormously pro BBC. I love it, I want it to stay, it provides the vast majority of what I watch and listen to on TV and radio, I would consider it a blow to British culture if it was to go or be reduced in any way. So, I'm unequivocal.<br /><br />So much so that I joined in with a sea of like-minded souls recently and emailed my MP with my concerns after Jeremy Hunt spoke of the proposed cuts to the licence fee. The reasons for this 'proposal' (thinly veiled threat to some) is that the BBC needed to "<span style="font-style: italic;">demonstrate the very constrained financial situation we are now in</span>". Which at first glance, second glance and in fact with every glance so far, begs the question, why? How does cutting the licence fee directly help with the deficit? As far as I can make out, it doesn't but this doesn't stop Hunt and my MP from carefully wording it so that it sort of appears that it does.<br /><br />But it's really doing no more than demanding that the BBC removes its hat when the funeral procession goes past. Fair enough in some respects but is this really the government's business? Are they here to piously observe the Beeb's manners? And given that they are making such a big noise about the economic state of the country, shouldn't they be getting on with something a little more productive?<br /><br />I'm not blind to the BBC's faults and in fact agree that they've had way too many 'let them eat cake' moments over last few years. Paying outrageous salaries to the big wigs and some ill-judged broadcasts meant that they made themselves seem both arrogant and flippant - and to the fans amongst us wincing through our fingers, positively self basting . But it musn't be forgotten that the BBC is unique in the level of its scrutiny as a public broadcaster. Its private sector rivals wouldn't fare so well if the spot light were upon them but can rest easy that it's unlikely to have to endure it.<br /><br />Another, and arguably more severe criticism, would be the criminalising of those who find themselves unable to pay for their licence. It does seem unfair on the very poorest in society and I'm not sure that, worst case scenario, a prison sentence could possibly be justified for something so trivial. But I similarly cannot see that £4 a week is beyond the reach of the vast majority of people. For entertainment, that's excellent value. Less than a bottle of wine, less than hiring a DVD, less than the starter at most restaurants. As issues go, I'm sure this is solvable without resorting to diminishing the BBC in general.<br /><br />So given that we, the 'all sorts' of Britain, pay for a licence, the BBC is left in the very difficult position of having to juggle catering for all tastes (being populist) with being innovative and creative (lavish costume dramas mainly). Something I think it does rather well - Doctor Who seems to straddle both comfortably. Much as I may loath Total Wipeout, I don't consider it to be the be all and end all of their output and am happy to pretend it doesn't exist while I patiently wait to tune into the next installment of Sherlock or Just a Minute.<br /><br />One of the points that my MP copied and pasted (I saw someone else had received an identical email) to me was his intention to ensure that cuts were not "capricious or wilfully damaging" but that he would also "support choices that return the BBC to its supposed guiding doctrine of 'Reithianism'". I agree. But whether a bias exists or not should be a matter for a truly independant body to decide. Who knows, maybe the BBC could emerge as one of the most impartial news broadcasters we have. And maybe the government <span style="font-style: italic;">may</span> come across as having a somewhat petty and vindictive agenda. Maybe.<br /><br />Of course, one of the main platforms that they have chosen to inform the public of their proposals is the BBC, who on this occasion have interpreted Reithian values as not making wanker hand-gestures behind Tory MPs when they're not looking. The whole spectacle has somewhat reminded me of the ungracious rudeness encouraged in Come Dine With Me. You know, that Channel 4 crap.Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-56848739980277059962010-07-20T14:47:00.000-07:002010-07-20T18:33:53.662-07:00Shut up and get to my pointSeeing as watching David Mitchell talk about cunnilingus on That Mitchell and Webb Look blew up my set top box (this is not a euphemism, it actually happened) it looks like I'm going to have to blog for my entertainment this evening. <div><br /></div><div>And what could be more entertaining than writing about how I'm never wrong. Yes, that's right, I'm never wrong. Well, not according to other people anyway. Otherwise they would stick to the points or arguments I raise and not rely on hysterical diversions and departures to give them something to say, wouldn't they? </div><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, you do know what I mean. I'm talking about those instances when you say something like "I'm not actually opposed to immigration as a whole" and it somehow gets translated into "I'm oblivious to your situation, your life and your feelings. Please correct me in the most indignant manner possible because I'm an idiot for not talking about your circumstances in fine point detail". </div><div><br /></div><div>I can only assume that such people are in awe of my flawless logic and reasoning, left to scrabble around in the remains of the debate, trying to pick up scraps where they can find them. Pity the poor fools as they feed on morsels of hyperbole and misunderstanding for survival. I literally rock. </div><div><br /></div><div>Except I don't of course. Even the most cursory glance over my life will tell you that I am wrong 99% of the time so why the need to veer so far off the point in the first place? Why are people so incapable of listening and engaging? (And succinctly gunning down my argument, at which point I do actually shut up.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Self-importance would be one answer. There's nothing like the thrill people get when approaching a chance to crap on about themselves, particularly if it means recounting tales of woe. The whole world doesn't understand them and you become its representative. Or at least you would be if you were listening. In reality all you can do is wonder whether to punch them or appease them. </div><div><br /></div><div>Another likely answer is that many people are only capable of holding a single concept in their minds at a time. They'll pluck out one aspect of what you said, attach a personal experience or viewpoint and then run with it. Whatever else you mentioned is a mere dot on the horizon by the time they've finished. Although I'm sure it can hear them shouting. </div><div><br /></div><div>But this is incredibly dumb isn't it? Most things in life are complex and variable. Even if your pesky opposition is right in what they say, it's hardly an achievement if you fail to include all other relevant facts or opinions. It's like boasting about building a house and then becoming ridiculously proud of having just one brick. </div><div><div><br /></div><div>My last stab at understanding would be that, particularly on internet forums and comments sections, binary thinking is often favoured. You're right or wrong, good or bad, left or right, in agreement or not. No shades of grey exist. If there's a system of rating or recommending comments on a site, check it out, you'll see how swayed readers are by this type of thinking. If ever there were a reason for keeping your opinions to yourself, you'll find it online. </div></div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-61748556633683459352010-07-09T13:44:00.000-07:002010-07-09T14:56:37.802-07:00Maintaining the right to feel annoyanceI have mentioned my terrible neighbours before and will continue to do so because they refuse to go away. But I haven't mentioned the Friday night pest as yet I don't think. <div><br /></div><div>If I was to say to you that I really hate the sound of people laughing you'd think I was a meany old misanthrope. But if I was to say that my neighbour upstairs and her friends were like a bunch of cackling Essex girls* at happy hour in Ibiza would you sympathise and feel I had cause to be annoyed? My point is, I'm not horrible, I'm literally being <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">forced</span> to dislike these people! </div><div><br /></div><div>*I actually hail from Essex and so can indulge in stereotyping. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-41716966379570153852010-07-05T10:29:00.000-07:002010-07-05T12:58:30.848-07:00Talking of stupidity......is there ever a better time to tell how stupid someone is than when they're trying to be clever? I'm a prime example of this of course, but I'm not on this blog to talk about myself *ahem*(I totally am).<div><br /></div><div>But what is the real acid test for you? Here's mine:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Purple</span> - trying to win "I'm the king of the castle" points against you for something that reflects on them. An old boss of mine once tried to get everyone to laugh at my crappy, pauper's car once. There's a reason why it was only once. </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blue</span> - genuinely believing that not being two-faced is more desirable than having tact, diplomacy and pleasant manners. </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Green</span> - "I'm not racist but..."</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Yellow</span> - trying to pass off modern, daytime TV style claptrap as if it were your own little gem of enlightenment - "you can't expect anyone else to love you until you love yourself", "I'm just being myself" and on and on. Sitting there with a look on your face like you're expecting to be treated like your generation's answer to Confucius won't swing it either. </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Red</span> - laughing so loudly and incessantly - without a long enough gap to actually say anything funny in between - that your own (Freudian) id screams itself hoarse in desperation. These people are given to caring more that they are cool rather than clever, so I'm cheating.</div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-88450685575419054592010-07-05T10:06:00.000-07:002010-07-05T10:20:43.291-07:00Please, someone help my stupid neighbourI am extremely concerned about my neighbour (the <a href="http://antigoneinthedenofthieves.blogspot.com/2010/01/neighbourhood-death-watch.html">laughing policeman</a> for those interested). He has been emitting the strangest, strangulated hoots for over an hour now and my unofficial diagnosis is that he is now hysterical due to being in the final stages of his stupidity consuming him whole. A sort of 'silly'fication if you will. The process has obviously reached his ears already because no mortal would be able to tolerate the sound of such thickery coming out of their own mouths without shutting up. <div><br /></div><div><div>If you have experience in working with such unfortunate people, or are just very big and very violent, please do all you can to put him out if his misery. And mine. </div><div><br /></div></div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-81740807831289383412010-06-30T03:39:00.000-07:002010-06-30T03:43:40.262-07:00I'm Sorry, I Haven't a TicketBeing an unreasonable sort of person, I'm genuinely pissed off that many of the comments from people who went to the Cambridge recording of I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue last night weren't even <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">from</span> Cambridge. It's just like, totally not fair. Don't they realise that we don't usually have anything interesting to do around here?Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-73136465182055117142010-06-10T07:44:00.000-07:002010-06-10T08:11:16.804-07:00Comment of the weekI love online commenters, don't you? So much knowledge and they're never ungenerous in sharing it. Sadly, the world wide web has lost a great one on Charlie Brooker's article <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jun/06/jack-bauer-24-charlie-brooker">Jack Bauer is no more</a> </span>because Yonkers had the following removed:<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; "><blockquote><p style="padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; background-repeat: no-repeat; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 10px; ">Christ Almighty. We've got children in Gaza dying for lack of basic amenities and people being murdered trying to help them.</p><p style="padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; background-repeat: no-repeat; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 10px; ">We've got a lost population in ZImbabwe slowly being starved to death by a barbaric regime. We've got the whole population of Burma held hostage by murdering tyrants. We've got African children dying by the hundred every day owing to the West's imperialist policies.</p><p style="padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; background-repeat: no-repeat; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 10px; ">And all you can think of is some piece of fictionalised American pap that no-one really gives a shit about. What's important to you Brooker?</p><p style="padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; background-repeat: no-repeat; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 10px; ">Still, it's easy money I suppose.</p></blockquote><p style="padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; background-repeat: no-repeat; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 10px; "></p></span><div>Yonkers sadly doesn't mention what his or her contribution to resolving the above tragedies might be, preferring to focus instead on Charlie's selfish, lily-livered decision to meet his contractual agreement with the Guardian newspaper and write a humourous column on a completely unrelated subject. Imbecile. Now NOTHING will get done about the world's problems. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I mean, why did we even give Charlie so called Brooker the Magic Pen of World Peace anyway? He's done literally nothing with it. Give it to Yonkers I say. With that sense of perspective, what could go wrong? </div></div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-7083535386791314782010-06-09T06:45:00.000-07:002010-06-10T09:04:19.236-07:00Waste, cuts and being poked in two different endsI am overdue for my smear test. I also needed a blood test and so due to the general pokey feel of both these procedures, decided to make a day of it and book both with a surgery nurse. This wasn't possible however, due to all the nurses who could carry out pokey procedure number 1 being on holiday at the moment. <div><br /></div><div>Naturally, after being informed of this on the phone, my mind turned to the government's latest mantra of cuts in the public services. The buzz phrase here is 'cutting waste'. But what constitutes waste and what is reasonable leeway? And can whoever is managing these cuts be trusted to know the difference? </div><div><br /></div><div>Nobody wants to see their money being pissed away obviously. Having worked in social care, I'm afraid I can think of hundreds of instances of this happening - amounting to thousands of pounds of never to be seen again cash. It won't surprise you to know that most of this foolish squandering was protected by another buzz phrase - company policy. But staff rarely seem to escape unnoticed on account of wages being one of the biggest budgets. </div><div><br /></div><div>They tried volunteers, they tried shaving £2.50 of our weekly activities with tenants fund, they tried over-working us to the point of exhaustion in the hope that we would leave. But we stubbornly continued to turn up for work on a daily basis, expecting to get paid. </div><div><br /></div><div>But they did have a point in some respects. Occasionally, there was little to do. There were times when I was sat at a bus stop on my way to collect one of my charges and during that time *whispers* I didn't do any work. Sure, I was on-call. I was ready to start barking instructions at agency workers in the case of an emergency. I was <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">willing</span> enough to work. But just couldn't. It was time wasted. But, I would argue, what other options are there? </div><div><br /></div><div>What's an empty milk carton if it's not waste? An important question being asked the world over. Alternatives are needed - 'alternatives' being the operative word. Because before it was an empty milk carton, it was an essential vessel for transporting milk from the shop to your home. A obvious point maybe, but have you ever tried carrying milk home by cupping it in your hands? Some things are just necessary. You can spend all day bemoaning a carton's existence but at least you're not crying over spilt milk (haha! No? Oh.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Slashing staff and their resources may seem like the obvious solution but all too many times you are jeopardising efficiency, undervaluing the positives in what you have and leaving no room to manoeuvre should anything go wrong - and it always will at some point. </div><div><br /></div><div>And I lose out on the only chance to be poked in two different ends that I currently have.</div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-17575022423663457352010-06-08T10:26:00.000-07:002010-06-08T10:59:57.178-07:00Cook To Be ThinFlicking through the TV channels whilst waiting for my new phone not to arrive, I happened upon 'Cook to be Thin' with Gizzi Erskine. Essentially it's a low-fat 'The Delicious Miss Dahl'. <div><br /></div><div>I don't for one second believe that they are advocating a dangerously unhealthy diet in their programme but isn't the title a bit much? Aren't they really saying Cook to be Underweight? Cook to Be Skin and Bones? Cook Yourself Into a State of Being Medically At Risk of a Number of Unpleasant Conditions? Because that's what thin really means isn't it? </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm sure Cook to be Nice and Slim would have sufficed. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-40027749178989678212010-06-05T17:45:00.001-07:002010-06-05T17:56:33.527-07:00Why are you carrying a bag of water?Today I met my brother and his family for a day's shopping and a bite to eat. Simple enough plan isn't it? What could possible go wrong? The answer being that the plan involved me and therefore, anything. <div><br /></div><div>In one shop, my sister in law had a lot to achieve. My brother and I whiled away the time loitering. And dripping water onto the floor. This is because a bottle of water had spilt over in my bag - at first unbeknownst to me and then progressively more embarrassingly known to me as it turned into a pool. Eventually a shop assistant came over with a cloth to wipe it up and gave me an unmistakable look of 'why the fuck are you carrying a bag of water'. To which I had no appropriate response, life and experience not having provided me with one to date. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-15150639092511838572010-06-05T15:52:00.000-07:002010-06-05T16:01:39.480-07:00The English static startMany people, particularly the English, are down on the English. They believe their day has come and gone and they are no longer the best at anything. These people (including the English) are fools. Because there is one thing that we continue to excel in. The static start. <div><br /></div><div>What might this be? Imagine a social gathering and someone, for arguments sake let's say they're American, says something disgustingly sentimental, emotionally expressive or just plain wrong. Do we react? Do we address the situation? Do we cause a scene? No! We stand stock still. Our insides knot and lurch with the excruciating pain and discomfort of it all, our minds bolt for the door. But externally we don't move a muscle. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you think the genius ends there you're wrong. Because when this happens, miraculously everyone else in the room who's English spots it. Hard to say how as there are no outward signs of it at all. So ladies and gentlemen, all hail the English - the kings and queens of the static start. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-63392666914097551152010-06-01T04:06:00.000-07:002010-06-01T05:38:47.885-07:00Russell Kane doing shifts for the NHSI know next to nothing about <a href="http://www.russellkane.co.uk/">Russell Kane</a>, so am not qualified to publicly call him a tool. It is also very possible that he said something off the top of his head without thinking about it. <div><br /></div><div>There. Having displayed my capacity for clemency, I'm going to ask the same of you because I now have to admit to seeing him on The Wright Stuff this morning (I'm not an avid viewer, honest) and he made a throwaway comment that essentially said that if public sector workers wanted the same wages as private sector workers - go work for the private sector. It was said with a small shrug and a 'get me, I've just cleared that matter up in a heartbeat' smile. Maybe I'm being harsh. Maybe it was wind. </div><div><br /></div><div>And maybe he didn't mean that we should have no sympathy for them. Or that public services weren't vital. Or that he had never made good use of them. Maybe in fact he meant that he is the perfect example of the new government's shared responsibility ideals and that he was prepared to man the hospitals, prisons, police stations and sweep the streets on a Sunday morning when he's done. Maybe he was only on the Wright Stuff because it's half-term and our nation's young do not need his usual Tuesday morning maths lesson. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm now cheekily burying another mitigating factor underneath all my sniping and must tell you that he said this in response to the top managers' wages in the public sector rather than the bulk of the workers. But there is still something admirable about eschewing a lot of money for something one considers to be more worthwhile, whatever the level. </div><div><br /></div><div>The vast majority of public sector workers that I've ever met automatically assume they will, and always will, get less money as a result of their choice of job. But they still want what everyone else wants - a fair and livable wage and one that reflects their contribution to society. If, and only if, you don't believe that you need their services and won't have need to turn to them for the sake of your comfort, safety or life, then do feel free to shrug at the implications of the enormous pay gap between them and you. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-91967723463247562292010-05-31T10:21:00.000-07:002010-05-31T10:25:50.988-07:00Miss - The PointWebsites that ask you to select your title via a drop down box and who include only the options of Mrs or Ms *<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">coughs to emphasise the hilarious joke I'm about to make</span>* 'Miss' the point somewhat. <div><br /></div><div>I'm here all week, next week and for some considerable time after that. Sorry. </div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7884028490840340286.post-53490424696168686442010-05-27T12:30:00.000-07:002010-05-27T12:54:59.174-07:00Safety conscious and self-righteousI'm not one to slag off the young for the sake of it, really I'm not. But I have just nearly been mown down by a young woman/girl on her bike. I shan't bore you with the details, don't worry, but suffice to say it was my right of way - unequivocally (it was on a footbridge ffs). I was a little taken aback at her determination to just keep going, meaning she had to slam on the breaks at my feet. (I wasn't playing chicken with her or putting up a fight, I just couldn't mentally process that such a social faux pas on her part would mean me ending up in hospital.) No apology, just a hostile lip curl. <div><br /></div><div>I was even more taken aback by the thought that I was staring into the face of a generation that makes no sense to me. Safety helmet on, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">she</span> was protected against the knocks. But her self-righteous attitude meant that she became a threat to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">me</span>. Call me old-fashioned (and she'd have just called me old) but something is way off balance there. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Honesty...so rude. Did I mention she was quite fat? </div><div><div><br /></div></div>Antigonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10737957308404862162noreply@blogger.com0