Yonkers sadly doesn't mention what his or her contribution to resolving the above tragedies might be, preferring to focus instead on Charlie's selfish, lily-livered decision to meet his contractual agreement with the Guardian newspaper and write a humourous column on a completely unrelated subject. Imbecile. Now NOTHING will get done about the world's problems.
I mean, why did we even give Charlie so called Brooker the Magic Pen of World Peace anyway? He's done literally nothing with it. Give it to Yonkers I say. With that sense of perspective, what could go wrong?