Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Arse-staring etiquette

Gentlemen - when staring at a woman's arse, what's polite? To try and go completely undetected, lest your ogling cause offense? If spotted aim for a bashful but cheeky grin and a shrug of the shoulders? How about idly cycling past her, tipping your head back to prolong the last few moments her arse is in view, swinging round to check out the rest of her while your eyes slowly climb the object of your interest until reaching her face, where you continue to scrutinise her appearance in a detached and mildly curious fashion until catching the incredulous look on her face, jump to with a small intake of breath and cycle off with a casual, "sorry"?

Is this the latest in propriety? Or should I, for argument's sake, nonchalantly push him off his bike should I see him again with a coquettish, pouty, "oops"?


  1. The only gentlemanly way to stare is to first negotiate the terms of the encounter, including the location, date, duration, and the set of permitted exclamations (a true gentleman will restrict himself to "I say! What a cracking fundament!"). The terms may include reciprocal staring rights or remuneration by some other means. Unless such negotiations occurred prior to the encounter you describe above, you've excellent grounds for feeling miffed and perhaps causing bodily harm.

    Curiously, in many Latin American countries the ogling (along with the accompanying catcalls) is considered to be a compliment, which means that one would cause offense by not participating. Or so I've heard.

  2. Does this mean in Latin American countries, it's possible for crowds to gather round a single, nice arse? If there's a hot dog stand and beer tent then I might well consider joining in myself.

    Being the demure, modest type that I am though, I'm not keen on my arse getting so much attention. My ideas for honour-saving tactics so far consist only of a loud, huffy tut and occasionally lobbing a tin of baked beans (should I have one spare). It's a work in progress.